Anger can be a catalyst, the initial impetus that pushes us into action. And that action can move us closer to where we are designed to be.
It was an emotion I identify as anger that rose up in me when I was a young girl whenever I felt brave enough to share my dream of being a model, a pageant winner, an actress, or simply moving away from my hometown to explore the world. The response would be, “You can’t do that,” “That’s silly,” or “You’d better have a backup plan.” If they laughed scoffingly when they said this, it would create even more anger.
Anger is a secondary emotion, or even tertiary. Something I learned while studying acting was how to accurately depict anger in a scene: go for the underlying emotion in the circumstances that the character was experiencing. Most often, it was fear of loss. The best actors have mastered the excavation of emotional levels to find the deepest underlying raw emotion. We love these artists on screen and get lost in the story because we can instantly identify with those deeper emotions. They are a part of the common experience we all share.
When anyone laughed at my childhood dreams, I instantly felt betrayed, dismissed, and belittled for sharing my hopes. My anger helped me to feel like I was protecting myself. Maybe you’ve felt the same way even as an adult—sharing a big life or business dream and being shot down in that vulnerable moment.
It may seem like Joy is inaccessible at that moment, but it is not removed forever. That anger fueled my determination to prove them wrong. I developed a “watch me!” attitude! And I did prove them wrong,..my first commercials were shot when I was just 13 years 0ld. I won my first pageant on my Dad’s birthday, bringing him great joy! (Interesting note: I just realized I am writing this article on that very same day of the year!) By age 18, I was working in NYC on my first TV series, launching over two decades of work as an actor in TV. In all the future occurrences where people would tell me I couldn’t succeed, I found myself going back to the “watch me” mode and getting the fire in me to prove them wrong. That was a benefit that came from allowing the feeling of anger.
To be clear, I am not recommending fueling anger intentionally, ever. But I am suggesting giving yourself grace if it comes up. It’s natural, we all experience it, and it has a purpose. There are a few things to remember so that it doesn’t linger:
Here’s the real beauty: The more we spend time in our Chair of JOY®, the easier it becomes to tap into that joy, even when anger arises. It’s like strengthening a muscle—the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes!
I recently worked through this with an organization that had a seemingly impossible divide. There were so many hurt feelings and vocalized anger on every side. I encouraged a few leaders to picture what they wanted (specifically ignoring the current discord) and hone in on what the workdays could be like. What ideal situation did they want? It’s working! The divide is closing, progress is happening, and kindness is being exchanged. Joy is being brought into the workplace.
Take Action: This is a short writing process designed to help you explore and release your emotions. Writing allows you to peel back the layers of pain or fear that your anger may be protecting. When you sense your emotions flaring and tension mounting, grab a piece of paper and a pen or marker. Sit down and let your hand connect with the paper. Start raw… Begin with the anger itself—write in big, messy, angry handwriting! As you continue, you’ll naturally uncover the pain beneath. Write through it, and then finish by focusing on what you’re grateful for. What has this situation or the journaling process brought you in terms of new perspectives, compassion, understanding, or insight? Just a note: don’t hold back! Go all out here! You can even destroy the paper afterward if you want.
Most importantly: As you begin to calm down and become more aware, with the anger easing, you can take it a step further by sealing the insights and emotions you’ve uncovered in your Chair of JOY®. It’s the perfect time to Sit. Breathe. Think. Feel.™ This will help solidify your reflections, bring closure to the process, and allow you to reconnect with your heart, rediscovering why this was important to you in the first place.
Owning your anger, allowing yourself to name it and feel it, can be a stepping stone on the road to Joy.
“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses.”
William Arthur Ward
Create a visual representation of the journey from anger to joy in 4 short steps:
The purpose of this exercise is to visually represent the emotional journey from anger to joy, highlighting the transformative process that occurs through self-awareness, intentional practices, and the use of tools like the Chair of JOY®. It helps individuals understand and reflect on the shift from negative emotions to positive ones, reinforcing the idea that joy can be cultivated and expanded even from challenging emotions.
In the fire of anger, a spark ignites,
A force that pushes, a flame that lights.
Yet deep beneath, where shadows play,
Fear and pain have found their way.
Anger roars, but joy lies near,
A quiet strength that’s always here.
When anger stirs, don’t turn away,
Sit. Beathe. Think. Feel.™—find the way.
Gratitude’s whisper, like water’s grace,
Can douse the flames, bring peace, embrace.
Envision a world where joy prevails,
Where love and light set the sails.
Write your pain, let it flow,
Then watch the seeds of compassion grow.
In the Chair of JOY®, let it seal,
The truth that joy can always heal.
Sheryl Lynn, Sandra Dee Robinson
Supported AI
Welcome to JOYELY, where JOYELY Ever After is not just a dream, it’s our lifestyle.
© 2024 JOYELY. All Rights Reserved.
